So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
