I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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