He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
