shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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