I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
