i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
