someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
