She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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