New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
