Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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