we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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