I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
