just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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