i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
