I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
My penis needs a shock collar
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
