I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
