he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
