i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
