But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
