The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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