and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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