I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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