Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
