Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
