their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
