Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
