I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
