Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
did you just send me my own nude
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize