I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
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