Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
