Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
