Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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