i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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