so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
