Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
