i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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