You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
