so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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