got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
