my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
