nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
