Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
