You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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