i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
