If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
