My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize