I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
