i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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