You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
