Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
