I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
