: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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