So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
