bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
We named our party play list daddy issues
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
