I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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