So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
