yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
