that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize