i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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