i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
