I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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