I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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