All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize