she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
