That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize
