mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
